I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
