ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
