guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
