u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
