i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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