I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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