Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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