FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
