I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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