im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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