So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
