Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
