How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
