Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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