so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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