Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
