Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
