my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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