Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your dad touched me again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
