Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
