i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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