so explain again why im purple
no
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
