Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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