You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
