Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
