He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
