so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
