Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5895) Bad night (1239)
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  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (6277) Bad night (1151)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7609) Bad night (1018)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.

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  (203): He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/g97t
  Replies (26) Good night (1702) Bad night (5000)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

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  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2749) Bad night (613)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.

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  (262): I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole. http://tfl.nu/sdc1
  Replies (9) Good night (1804) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.

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  (847): We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love. http://tfl.nu/9pu7
  Replies (7) Good night (903) Bad night (752)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept

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  (502): How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept http://tfl.nu/59ls
  Replies (13) Good night (495) Bad night (1616)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

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  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (7) Good night (992) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?

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  (815): is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal? http://tfl.nu/lpf5
  Replies (14) Good night (698) Bad night (447)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms

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  (586): if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms http://tfl.nu/5has
  Replies (3) Good night (584) Bad night (241)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie

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  (320): For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie http://tfl.nu/swy2
  Replies (2) Good night (703) Bad night (246)
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  (619): View more from California

  you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.

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  (619): you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's. http://tfl.nu/zax5
  Replies (5) Good night (451) Bad night (304)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.

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  (814): I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro. http://tfl.nu/ilnn
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt

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  (262): Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt http://tfl.nu/h0wg
  Replies (0) Good night (256) Bad night (327)

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