I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I puked a lego.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.