it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila