I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night