Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
