it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.