I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger