she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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