she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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