Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration