He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im part way to drunk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT