I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
