you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
