You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
