She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
