I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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