she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
