Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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