Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
