dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
