She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
