My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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