if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
