Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
