I'm jealous of your bromance
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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