There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
