apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
