hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
