Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
