An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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