dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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