I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
