i just wanna soil my oats bro
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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