then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
