She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
