I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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