fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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