he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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