I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
