How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
