The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
