sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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