Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
