Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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