You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
