why didn't you poke me back
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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