My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
