Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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